Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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