he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize
