I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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