I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
