I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
