I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize