I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize