I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
