It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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