She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
