whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Pants are for mortals
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