Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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