Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
