I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
