I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
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