hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
