It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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