You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
