Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
