haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
