What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
