420 ftw
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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