Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
