First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
