you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize