dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
