don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
