This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
