My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
