i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
