So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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