Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
