Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
