Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
