She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
