The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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