She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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