How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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