your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
