shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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