I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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