My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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