ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize