I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize