he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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