My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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