a queef is a wish your heart makes.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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