Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
