smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
