you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
