i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
