he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I think i got beer on your cat.
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