her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
