Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
