If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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