Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
i now understand why vodka
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
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