Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
