Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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