sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
