You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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