Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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