can u get pink eye on your cock?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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