every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
