Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
