I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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