she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
