You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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