I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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