why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
