All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
