oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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