so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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