Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize