I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
