You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Randomize
