Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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