I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Randomize
