Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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