you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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