i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
