3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize