Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize