ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
