the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
The beer is more important than you right now.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
