Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
one two three fourrrrnication!
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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