Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
