Apparently you make a good broom.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
